Don't Lose The Fire

       It doesn't matter if you have been married for two years or twenty nine years, both individuals have to do what is needed to continue to make their mate happy.  More often than not, married couples get complacent in their efforts to maintain the fire in the relationship. Married couples get married and then think they have arrived at the ultimate destination of happiness.  To their surprise, getting married was the easy part it is the efforts needed to maintain a sustained state of happiness that makes the married journey a lifelong commitment of work and unselfishness.  Becoming complacent in a marriage is dangerous, it causes the individual to take their mate for granted and stop doing the things that made your mate feel loved, respected,  and secure from the beginning.

     Just because you get married does not mean you are suppose to stop dating each other.  What happened to the surprise gift that you use to send on her job.  Where did the lingerie go, you haven't bought anything sexy to wear since your honeymoon.  Being ungrateful is a sin.  What you did to get them to marry you should be the same thing that keeps you happily married for years to come.

     Get back to the small simple things that gave your relationship that connection and fire.  Start your date night back and go out and enjoy each  other.  Recreation is important, do inexpensive things together. Take evening walks together around your neighborhood.  Go bowling, skating, or to your favorite sports game.  Marriage is work and you have to put in endless hours of effort to maintain your happiness together.  Remember whatever you sow that is what you will reap.

Fight Fairly

     God made the male and female differently for a purpose.  I believe that He uses our imperfections and differences to learn how to dwell together and resolve conflict.  Men and women think, communicate, and decide differently.  You can allow these difference to be a bone of contention or embrace the difference and learn to respect each others point of view thus causing you to have better conflict resolution skills.  All conflict is not bad, and we should use the healthy conflict as opportunities to learn more about our mate and refine our weaknesses.

     It is easy to point the finger of blame at our mate but it takes maturity to admit your own wrong doing.  No one individual is always right or wrong.  When we except this fact is when we are not so quick to judge our mate for what they do wrong.  No one is perfect, so you should expect your spouse to do something that may hurt your feelings.  In marriage you must be ready to forgive, forgive, forgive.  Why is it so hard to forgive the person that you should be closest to but yet forgive others so freely.  Remember, Satan wanders around seeking whom he may devour and don't let him have your marriage relationship over a misunderstanding.

     We as married people have to cultivate the opportunity to admit when we are wrong and verbally say, I apologize for the specific mistake.  After your mate apologies and ask for forgiveness, forgive them, let it go, and don't throw the incident back up in their face at a later date.  We often spend to much time trying to be right instead of doing what it takes to be reconciled with our mate.  Examine your heart for pride, if you never feel that you are wrong in any situation because something is definitely wrong with that picture.  Marriage has a way of pulling out all of your imperfections, embrace this fact and capitalize on these opportunities to grow as an an individual.



   

The Missing Elements

     There are two main ingredients needed to build and maintain a happy marriage and they are love and respect.  A man desires respect as the leader of his household.  A woman needs love in order to function properly in the marriage relationship.  Often times both men and women miss the mark when it comes to effectively displaying these emotions to their mate.  If you are currently in a troubled marriage it may be because of the lack of unconditional LOVE and unconditional RESPECT exhibited within the relationship.  My husband and I were afforded the opportunity to read a book entitled, Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerich.  The principles discussed in this book has taken our marriage to another level.  I highly recommend that you get a copy for yourself.  Please see the cover of the recommended book below.


     It is easy for a man to withhold love from his wife.  The husband has to make a decision that he is going to show love to his wife no matter what her actions may display.  It defeats the purpose and discipline needed to control his actions, if he withholds love because she is not showing him the proper respect.  He must show his love for his wife by opening the doors for her, especially on the days when she is not so lovable.  Husbands show her that you love her by your conversation and friendship on a daily basis.  When you show her public displays of affection this also fills her love bank.

     Ladies it is your responsibility to show your husband respect rather you think he deserves it or not.  It is easy to show respect when he is doing the things that you think he should be doing.  It takes the love of Christ to show respect when his actions are not respectable.  Our flesh is conditioned to reward or punish a person based on the way we are treated.  Wives show him respect by fixing and serving him his dinner plate.  Being his biggest cheerleader and not his top critic exemplifies respect to your husband.  When you get involved with what interest him and the details of his occupation this will fill his respect bank.  Do not wait on your husband to show love first, use your emotional strength and exemplify respect first and watch the foundation of your relationship make a change for the better.

   

Soul Mate

     Marriages today are really under attack.  The enemy "devil" does not want to see God's price creation succeed in their relationships.  The devil does everything that he can to bring hurt, pain, confusion, and turmoil to the marriage union.  The enemy is very crafty in his attempt to steal the next generation, by constantly attacking the foundation of the husband and wife's happiness.  One of his ways in accomplishing this goal is by using marriage unions that may have came together for the wrong reason(s) to perpetuate damaged emotions, mistrust, and pain.

     I believe that you can marry a person for the wrong reason(s).  An example of this would be when a man marries a woman because she is pregnant and he doesn't want to run out on his responsibility.  Another example of this would be a woman marrying a man because he is nice to her and he was the only one to ask her for her hand in marriage.  The examples mentioned are not wrong within themselves unless they are missing the KEY element of pure LOVE for the individual that you are considering marry.  Because marrying for any other reason is selfish and it will end in disaster.

     I am a living witness that you can marry your soul mate.  God must be involved in order for you yo marry your soul mate.  During our dating stage, I asked the Lord to give me three undeniable confirmation that I should marry Keith.  Not only did he give me the three confirmations, He counted each one off to me so that I couldn't deny that they were from Him.  Marriage is an important decision and DO NOT enter into holy matrimony unless you are certain about your prospective mate.  I am a living witness that you can marry your soul mate.  My husband (best friend) and I have been married for sixteen years and I love him and the imperfections that come along with him